Crazy Happenstance
by Ideal Mind
Summary: There are only so many ways that you can peacefully wake up in a different world completely starkers and barren of any possession you may have had on you, this is one of them.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing of Harry Potter of Percy Jackson and their attaching plots, franchises, fan bases, and characters.

**Acknowledgment**: The concept for this story came to me from reading "Again and Again" by Athey, whom I have never spoken to, and "How to Win Friends, Influence People" by Sparrowette, whom I have also never spoken to. Both are brilliant and talented authors with wonderful creative stories that I recommend you read.

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**Chapter 1**

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There are only so many ways that you can peacefully wake up in a different world completely starkers and barren of any possession you may have had on you at the time leading up to this that wasn't inherently magical.

Harry had the distinction of being one of these few people with this rather rare and before here-to ability to do so. Granted the lack of screaming outraged busy bodies helped, this was also noting that there were busy bodies around, just none screaming or outraged. Go figure, if you were going to wake up nude in a completely different world barren of any notably non-magical valuable possessions, make sure you did so on a nude beach during the summer. Apparently no one cares if your dead or not.

Of course Harry had had no way of knowing this at the time when he woke up with sand in places it had no right being and clapped eyes on a small group of men not so dis-similarly proportioned from his Uncle Vernon and screamed like an unashamed little girl. Surely he was in hell, that the bastard he spoke to before landing here had lied to him.

Course all of this was smoothed over when he got an eye full of the pretty, in a homely could use some make-up way, brunet. She actually got him thinking that maybe this was less a hell world and more a lack of clothes world, like they hadn't been invented or something. Still a horrifying thought.

It really hadn't helped that Harry didn't speak a word or their language and the translation spells he knew words to (with no actual experience to back them up granted), all only translated written words. Of course you needed a wand to do them, and despite all the suddenly sound fantasy logic of new worlds automatically equalizing mysteriously unrealized powers surfacing..., he still didn't have a wand and this mental powers thing wasn't happening. Bugger.

Of course trying to play the amnesia card was harder than one would think without liberal use of an obliviate charm, and the only idiot he had experience with that knew nothing was literally a crawling ball of drooling unhelpfulness, thank you once again Lockhart for nothing. On the bright side since he knew nothing about any of this anyway with no identification and no finger prints bringing anything up in the system anywhere there wasn't much they could do with him.

He was given by some small mercy clothes, which might have been cast-off rags but were still somehow better than Dudley's cast-offs. Ignoring that however the simple fact that they had clothes was actually a tear worthy event. That they actually found someone who could speak his language was awesome and that England still existed was just – well wait that wasn't that big of a deal, especially after all the shit that the people in that country put him through.

The only good news about all of this was that if clothes, and English, and England, existed here then so too must magic. Since he wasn't undesirable number one on this world, at least he had better not be, there would be no reason he couldn't use one of the galleons in Hermione's, well his now, mokeskin pouch there had to be a few floating around in there somewhere, to buy a new wand.

Since you didn't exactly need a wand to apparate without a license and ignorance of the law had been a viable excuse before Harry only too promptly used it to pop over to the Leaky Cauldron or at least where it was supposed be. Either he really needed to get his eyes checked and his fantasy new world superpowers had activated on this belief or there was an Optometrists office where the Leaky Cauldron should be.

Harry took a look inside just in case being a new world and all different from his own and all this wasn't actually the entrance to the magical world. There was a margin of error of course, maybe this really was a place for new glasses, or it was really a secret facility that would only allow you into the connected magical world if you could see passed its seemingly bland normalness to witness the impossible magical stuff behind – yeah no it was really an Optometrists office.

Harry spent a good portion of his very early morning for an appointment and after giving out his aunt and uncle's address and information from his old world and having it confirmed. Which you know, only proved this was a hell world of some kind. That of all the people that could exist in two different worlds and at the very same address, it would be Petunia and Vernon Dursley, this was a truly horrifying thought.

After that it was mostly smooth sailing, he got a new prescription, which was actually his first one ever. Turns out he was farsighted which kind of explained why he could spot a snitch across the pitch but only ever catch it with his eyes closed. Actually no it didn't, but it sounded totally cool and if Hermione had known about it maybe he could have gotten out of all those forced study groups slash finals cram sessions.

Not like they mattered anyway, that bastard Tom always waited until the end of the year during what usually was around finals time to attack him, his friends, his family, stupidly. But! It all turned out to be a convenient and dastardly plot on his behalf to sabotage Harry's grades! Merlin's sagging scrotum why had he never seen this before?! Why had no one else seen this before?!

By mid-day Harry was wandering around London like a crazy person new prescription in his loaned trouser pocket. Hands clenched in his already wild hair with the heels of his palms grinding into his eyes as his glasses bounced precariously on his nose with his every step.

He was processing not only the fact that Tom Riddles entire quest to kill him was actually a convoluted plot to keep him from ever graduating Hogwarts, that he succeeded in by the way, and also that he couldn't apparate. More specifically it wasn't that he couldn't apparate it was that he couldn't apparate to any magical place he knew of.

There was also something very wrong with his head or magic or something and not in the, I have cool new and before-to undiscovered abilities, kind of way. In fact to prove this point, when apparition failed to take him anywhere even remotely magical, Harry did the most dangerous thing he could think of and apparated. Not with a destination in mind but an idea of a place in mind. You'd think, Holy Grail of magic right? Or possibly cringe at the thought of the terrible splinching that was warned about during the training classes, or something along those lines.

Not Harry Potter, nope, ok so he hadn't actually thought of any of that. Rather he thought more along the lines of: more let's go to the most magical place in the whole world. Being that Harry had some rather outrageous amounts of luck on his side, neither happened. Nope, and that was the story of how Harry Potter ended up at Disneyland in Orlando, Florida.

Of course the kiddie screams that were trailing costumed people, and the nearby rides actually scared Harry, himself so much so, that by sheer instinct alone he dashed forward blindly. With unmatched skill and speed he ducks to avoid spell fire that didn't exist, looking cool and suave if he did say so himself, right into a wall, that collapses for no real foreseeable reason.

It didn't stop there though, because he was Harry freaking Potter, no, it had to go on-in embarrassing and horrifying details that shall never be spoken of. Needless to say the equally horrified and lawsuit conscious Disney Park manager and staff, hooked him up with a week all park pass and six day and five night hotel package for free. They even 'reimbursed' him the loss of his cloths, glasses and his poor "churro swallowed and subsequently fired to ashes" wallet.

Harry was only too eager by this point to take advantage of the groveling and freebies in his new suite. A very official looking man came up a little later to have him sign some release form wavier things, saying he wouldn't sue. Harry was only too happy to sign after pretending to read said paperwork, as he couldn't exactly explain how or why he had gotten to this country in the first place much less provide anything one might need to sue someone else in it. Not like this was a magic contract after all and would take away is magic if he refused to participate or anything.

Disney wasn't looking into it, Harry got lots of free stuff and both parties were too happy to have avoided any unnatural un-pleasantries and all of them were avoiding the jinx words, so life was good. Of course wild shenanigans ensued but that was another story not discussed here and more along the lines of Harry Potter and the Week in Disneyland.

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Harry once all was said and done with the stuffy suit guy and the lots of paperwork and the excitement and physical pains of the day, quieted enough that he could concentrate on other matters finally focused on the only thing that had made it to this world with him. Of course if he had known, hindsight and all being twenty-twenty, he would have definitely carried more magical plenty items with himself.

As it was it didn't appear that there was any real magic in this whole world if Disneyland was the most magical place in the world. Which would mean that anything Hermione had packed in her, now his, pouch was all the magic he would ever have.

With a tentative hand Harry reached into the slightly still sticky pouch and his hand immediately came in contact with fabric, he couldn't even push it out of the way to grab for something else. Praying that these were Hermione's underthings or Ron's for that matter. Harry pulled, and pulled and pulled some more, the pulled it free was supposed to happen somewhere in-between there shouldn't it? Could things get stuck in a magically expanded mokeskin pouch? Harry had never thought to ask before, granted he had never heard of this happening before either.

However he was not to be deterred in his mission, whatever was in this pouch was all that he had left of his own world. There was no way he was letting it get stuck inside a magic sack. Before he knew it and yet still hours after he originally began this endeavor, Harry had both hands elbow deep in his pouch as he stood on the edges of it.

Which was as awkward as anyone can imagine; because, it was such a small enough looking pouch to begin with. But he had exhausted several other ideas already. Even the patented tie a string to it and then slam the door closed trick that was supposed to remove teeth or something.

Of course maybe it wasn't Harry's brightest idea to do this while standing on the bed, but he honestly hadn't expected it to work. Rather he had been actually intending to pile drive the stupid jammed bag muggle style when he got too frustrated trying this. Which was why it was such a nasty shock when whatever "it" was pulled free and he went flying back off the bed with his leverage gone.

Harry's breath was violently knocked from his lungs, and his only luck came in that he didn't hit his already abused head on anything. The dizzy spell was less a spell and more of the once grapefruit but now kumquat sized knot on his head reminding him of the incident that was never to be spoken about again.

It took a few minutes of relearning to breath and pushing past the nausea that accompanied the knot on his head before he could make out just what was jamming up the pouch. Once his eyes cooperated that is, because the people here wouldn't have his new glasses here until tomorrow. Yes, he has heard of contacts, thank you very much, they were little glassy doodads that went on a bare and unprotected eyeball.

Eyes focusing on the, admittedly still blurry but not as much, object and his heart quite literally stopped in his chest for a few mill-seconds. It was his cloak, his invisibility cloak, Merlin he thought he'd lost this, he'd shoved in the pocket of his robes after he had found Hermione and Ron after the battle and it among other things was taken from him. Harry pulled the silky fabric to himself to inhale the familiar material, he doubted very much that Hermione could have for all her ingenuity gotten this back and stuffed it into the pouch he later nicked from her, but bless her if she did. It felt so good to have this piece of his life back.

Two other items slipped free from the material as he lifted it up, one look sent a chill up his spine. Of course there was a larger stronger urge there and at the sight of that black, no longer broken, wand- one he knew for a fact he had personally snapped and placed in Dumbledore's grave… An urge was a mixed and which came out oddly as a hysterical laughing sob as he desperately grabbed this one link to any possible useable source of magic he was ever going to have. Unless of course his own phoenix and holly wand was in that pouch and unbroken as well? Maybe?

Sparks shot from the black wand tip, red and golden. It was like coming home after so very long and Harry cried, he really, really did, hard, and hysterical, and all kinds of loud screaming unmanliness, lacking even the basic inhibitions or desire to stop. When at last he cried himself out and hoarse for that matter, he passed out on the spot, worn from his first day in this new world, with the stress, and the chaos, and the sheer madness, from the ups, and downs of his day, and really his luck for that matter.

With his cloak as his blanket and the plush carpeting as his bed, too exhausted to try and heave himself up to the now daunting height of his free bed despite and maybe because of its gaudy luxuriousness, which was just too much for the seventeen year old to handle at the moment. Harry would regret that in the morning, more because the resurrection stone, or rather ring was still on the floor and somehow or another he had ended up rolling on top of it in the middle of his nap and of course stayed there, so when he woke the next morning he had a crick in his spine. For that night however he slept deeply, without dreams, or nightmares or awareness of any kind and it was glorious.

Harry remained completely unaware of the Fates now tearing out their hair; about the future he was irreparably altering and the many gods and goddesses upon this world that suddenly felt a spine trembling chill upon his arrival, and really even if he had known there was a more than good chance that he wouldn't care.

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The week that Harry spent in Disneyland was both refreshing and a great bit of disappointment. It was as if magic was like that cartoon bunny thing on the tele and tricks are just for kids or whatever. Or maybe it was only the children that could see the magic of this world?

It was something to think on anyway, and what's more was this whole getting around thing was so much easier with magic. What with no magical ministry rules about what spells he could and could not use, or what muggle objects he could and could not enchant, he was free to do whatever he wanted to. At least he was free to theoretically do them, knowing how to do any of the things he suddenly now wanted to do was another story entirely. He must have missed some classes at Hogwarts on the how-to-s of invading another world's foreign country and inserting oneself with untraceable fake paperwork and identification to get around undetected. You know the basic stuff. Bollocks.

Why did no one cover any of this before, even when Harry had been on the run with Hermione and Ron they had never actually left the country or for that matter faked paperwork or identities in a more legal and official manner…

Hermione had packed a ridiculous amount of books in the bag, some magic items, maps, clothes, money muggle and magical. To be honest it looked as though Hermione had become something of a kleptomaniac while they were on the run and grabbed whatever had grabbed her fancy. Except of course it was Hermione so of course there went anything of any real awesomeness, like a flying motorcycle or something.

So breaking a very stern rule ground into him at a very young age by the Dursley's, Harry cracked open one of the many, many, many books and pursued it for the knowledge it contained just for the fun of it. Of course being that his founding years had been so formative Harry didn't do it for long, and his luck being such that of course the book he had picked up was about potions of all things.

He had magic, what did he really need books that could possibly delve into the mechanics behind it all for really?

It took a long time for Harry to convince himself not to throw even the potions books away. He was also very tempted to take Hermione's belted copy of the monster book of monsters and release it on an unsuspecting public-but they hadn't been so bad here so, he save it for those really annoying muggles. Just in case one of them ever cropped up, after all if this world didn't have magic as he knew it, it couldn't have monsters.

Oh, how Harry would come to regret this very poor choice of thoughts in the coming weeks. For now though, Harry really, really wanted to ride the roller-coaster and see if they would be as fast as or faster than his broom. It wasn't but considering he didn't have one on this world it was a nice diversion. He wasn't desperate enough to attempt enchanting muggle brooms yet but it was a very close thing whenever he thought about it.

Leaving Disneyland a week after he arrived was something of a forgettable experience, literally. He remembered falling asleep in his room the night before after attempting some unknown spells in the books chosen at random and the next thing he remembered was waking up dancing on top of the flame of liberty with a hat made of fruit and some maracas and no idea how he had come across either, or for that matter how he'd gotten to New York.

Harry was quick to blend in with the tourists on the main land when the shouting of the muggle aurors let him know he had been noticed and they were not happy about it. While he did keep some fruit from the hat for a late-ish breakfast he was quick to disappear everything else. Wandering around the big city completely lost, without a single cent of American money on him Harry was quick to transfigure some based on the denominations he had seen from others. How much it was comparatively, or what anything cost to anything he was familiar with he had no idea so he just transfigured a lot of what he had seen and hoped it was enough.

Being that Harry had no idea what he was doing, what he was going to do, or what even if anything he wanted to accomplish, he settled on a bus ride. So he went up to the bus station and picked the very first place that stood out to him. Of course getting to the bus station required a cab and Harry was fairly certain the guy ripped him off asking for half of his transfigured money so Harry didn't feel at all bad about the fact that the money would transfigure back when the magic ran out.

He should have known the moment the cab took him to a semi-deserted bus station that something was going to go wrong. It was like he had a supernatural sign attached to his back that just tells controlling powers of the world to mess with him. It also figured that of all the things this world could have besides no magic would be one eyed giants. One's that seemed to recognize that he was the new kid in the world and therefore they must make his life miserable.

Or so the flying car that crashed a mere foot from his stunned figure led him to assume. Someone in this new world really hated him.

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Chaos, or at least that is who everyone on Olympus was blaming for the near total anarchy that was occurring. Little over a week ago, the fates had gone more than a little crazy and had revealed themselves to mortals. Not just their usual dismissive old lady sewing and randomly cutting strings on rickety old rocking chairs either. Nope, they had officially left their floating randomly appearing rocking chairs of doom. Of course their crazy behavior was also noted by local authorities and they had been subsequently jailed for derailing traffic.

Zeus had had the very dubious pleasure of returning them, and not even a God can cut through all that red tape so easily. It hadn't helped that Apollo, prophet extraordinaire, went screaming blind for the next three days straight. After the first day it just became too awkward to let him continue to drive the sun around; so Artemis had had to take over for him.

He had since calmed down, saying something along the lines, "that the future was a very weird place to be right now." Apollo's prophecies from that moment on were rather non-sensible. In fact, if Zeus had to hear that "there was a disturbance in the force", one more time he was going to rain terror on the little shit.

This wasn't the only trouble on the great mountain however. Nope, all it seemed to take was just a small little bit of uncertainty in the future for the rest of these nobodies to go completely nuts as well.

Of course that was a bit unfair, considering that Zeus rarely noticed those out of the great twelve. All others outside of that pertinent group he either found particularly useful or attractive.

Not that this kind of disregard improved tensions in the slightest. This was just one of the many grievances that had managed to accumulate after just a few thousand years. If it hadn't been for this very lame attempt to sow dissent in the peons that he ruled over; Zeus might have suspected his father. However, Kronos had always leaned towards the destructive hell-fire and total annihilation of everything in his world domination approach; rather than, this wannabe ambush of hurt feelings and misgivings.

If there was one thing the king of gods hated, other than anything disrespecting him, it was being bothered by underling crybabies. The status quo had been fine until a week ago- if there was a new god or goddess out there that was doing this to him… he vowed to make them miserable for the rest of their god forsaken life. As it was, this sort of hazing wouldn't be out of character for any of his children, or his children's children for that matter. Which actually left a far larger pool of suspects than he had originally anticipated just trying to remember them all.

This being the case as he was distinctly unpopular at the moment. Thanks in no small part to some loud mouth out there tattling about his more recent affair with a mortal. The only thing he had going for himself right now was that no one knew about the baby that mortal was now pregnant with.

You'd think by now that with all the godly powers at their disposal that gods would make themselves impotent, or wear a condom, or something by now. Not these gods however. That's right, these special gods who feared a half-blood leading to their destruction… had all unanimously decided that impotency, and condoms, and other forms of birth control were for other people and gods. These gods had sheer awesomeness on their side to protect against sexually transmitted disease, so pregnancy was other people's problems.

Of course these gods and goddesses despite their rather forward thinking and current state of near anarchy were too dignified to show it. Currently all of the hordes and masses were towering super-sized, dressed in the glorious togas, and dresses (because there is a difference), that signified the height of their prime and power. Which did not mean that they were stuck in the past and dwelled continuously on the 'better' days of ancient Greece and the New Rome.

Whatever horrible rumors had been spread, by other deceivers, about revolving their lives (and subsequently that of their half-blood children) around reliving their glory of old, were just that. In fact just the other day… someone had sent a kid on a quest that had nothing to do with any of that… it was just old age and poor memory that no one could recall which of them did so, or what the kid's name was, or for that matter what the task was.

Ignoring all that Zeus promised violent and terrible retribution for whoever was responsible for this current headache. If only there was a convenient distraction that would grab everyone's attention away from their righteous indignation. Hera stood by his master bolt, preventing him from creating a convenient distraction of his own. Her unforgiving expression promising violent retribution if he dared to leave her with this mess. Privately Zeus wondered if the sudden increase of divorces worldwide had anything to do with her own increasing thoughts on divorcing him… he crossed his fingers anyway just in case.

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I.M. This is sort of an on-going one-shot that had been haunting me for a while. I just keep adding pieces, and taking pieces away, and have no idea where I am going with it. So this story may never be completed.

**Big thanks to Joe Lawyer for the word corrections! I've made the changes to the words I remembered having in here. I might have missed some, so to those that see mole skin pouch or Chronis please feel free to give me a shout out so I can change them to their corrected versions. Thank you.**

"Again and Again" by Athey, is a Harry Potter, time-travel fan-fiction, warnings for this story include: M rated and Yaoi content. The concept I have appropriated for my own use is their explanation of Horcrux(s).

"How to Win Friends, Influence People" by Sparrowette, is a comedic alternate-universe Naruto fan-fiction. The concept I have appropriated for my own use is their happenstance application.

Thank you for your support, please if you can support the authors and read and review their wonderful work.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own either Harry Potter or Percy Jackson and their attaching, plots, characters, and fan-bases.

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Chapter 2

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Harry Becomes a Wizard-Again!

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It was either this world really hated him, or that this world rained cars. Which to be honest would explain why no one was reacting to the thirteen foot giant that he could see down way from him still in last throw position. Apparently badly dressed super large one-eyed giants were as common place as raining cars, stupid hell worlds.

When the very slow giant with no magic of its own (but still apparently a magic creature because not everyone can have laser-beam eyes), realized that he had not died a squishy death he went for another car. Go figure, if at first you don't succeed because of poor aim, with an overly flashy, surprise losing first attack… Try that very same attack again without changing _anything_ but your opponent's new awareness of you and your attempt to squash them. Harry was so shocked by this very obvious and non-Disney related magical creature that he stood right where he turned around.

Not that this changed anything all things considered. The giant still had poor aim and Harry was more than aware of just how temperamental full blooded giants could be and just how stupid for that matter that he quickly banished the car right back to the giant. The shocked look on the giants face was actually a bit quicker than he remembered them being in his own world, so maybe they were slightly smarter here? Only slightly however because despite seeing the car coming for him the giant still stood there like Harry's banishing charm could be as badly aimed as his own throwing was.

A cry of outrage followed and for a moment Harry thought it was the pedestrians watching all of this in fascination and maybe giants were endangered creatures here or something when he saw it. Well seeing it was less the word he was looking for than the one that he could think of at the moment but he recognized emotionally manipulative charms when he saw them. Either this giant had magic going for him or there was something else going on here.

His crowd of gawkers were getting antsy and not in the lets go get help and the police and report this kind of way. But the ooh its bad guys lets lay low and then tell the media about how brave we are and how harrowing the experience was. With as much media backlash as Harry had suffered throughout his many seventeen years of age you learned to recognize such a thing.

Harry just to be an asshole with whatever magical force out there that was doing this cast out a few over powered cheering charms. Nothing like a cheering charm to help get you through life threatening situations. It would have been marvelously useful back in his second year when he was facing off a nameless evil serpent bent on ruining his social life. Then the students could have been less focused on his apparently evil dark lord ways and more focused on the cheerful looming reflections of eyes of doom that were really important. Of course considering all those miserable assholes he could no longer take vengeance against being worlds away he really, _really_ hoped that that enormous snake had began to smell by now filling the whole castle and since he was the only living person who spoke the password that they just had to live with the smell.

It probably wasn't the best idea for Harry to lose focus like that all things considered. Or so said the motorcycle that fell short of smashing into him but still managed to drag him along in momentum when hit clipped him in passing.

Harry rushed up charged with the life threatening situation high off adrenaline and self-importance. He fired off his first reducto curse, but this giant was smarter than the rapidly swelling surface of his head would suggest and blocked it with another car, before chucking the remains at him. While this missed as well it came dangerously close to the now cheerful witnessing pedestrians so high on cheering charm and whatever the other magic was trying to feed them that they barely got out of the way.

As it was the building behind them caught most of the damage tearing a hole in the side of it. Harry turned back to his opponent taking this a bit more seriously now as the giant began a suicidal forward charge. It was certainly faster than he was being so long in leg, and a lot stronger too. So Harry was quick to try and stop his charge, while closeness meant an easier target to aim at it also meant that the brute had easier access with landing a hand on him and Harry couldn't remember how magic resistant the giants as a people were.

Hermione had told him once, Hagrid too probably but he either hadn't been listening or had forgotten it by now. Bugger.

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It was all over the news by the next night. A terrorist attack, turned magic show, turned drugs in the water, turned block party that got out of hand. No one seemed quite sure. Granted there had been plenty of witnesses, but none of them were really deemed all that credible. This due to the fact that more than half of them had been so happy to tell them the absolutely ridiculous and highly unbelievable story that a giant had been throwing cars at a teenage boy fighting with a stick that shot light beams, that shot phaser beams like on Star Trek but cooler so much cooler, because instead of stunning of killing he got one on the giant dude that turned him into that terribly ugly traffic blocking pin cushion before literally disappearing.

While the other smaller section of the witnesses who hadn't been there but arrived after the possible fight started claimed that some street gang members got into a turf war and one of them had a chopper arrive and drop a bolder on top of the rival gang member before running from the scene shooting off his gun to keep away pursuers.

Both stories could be easily fact checked and both of their stories just didn't match the facts as the officers had them. There had been no choppers in the area, much less one's employed by gangsters that no one but the members of this block had seen. Which was the smallest elephant in the room. The next was that despite their claims of thrown cars and property damage which actually had been heard streets away which is why police where there now, no such damage existed. Despite witnesses claiming that the boy's "stick phaser" also repaired and set right to all the damages. There was also no body underneath the large and ugly traffic blocking pin cushion.

With no story matching the facts of the case and all witnessing falling in one of the two groups of witness statements, the police were quick to check for hallucinogens. All of the witnesses save a random few who later claimed to have known nothing all along, showed signs of impairment of some kind. However a mass screen test of the known wide market drugs had them temporarily quarantining the area to test the water and air. When this came to nothing the police eventually had to let it go, it was either two rival cults that needed to learn to cooperate or a block party that needed to start observing city noise ordinances. Either way this was no longer their jurisdiction and they were far too happy to wipe their hands of it.

Their peeved "witnesses/suspects" were far less happy now that there was no magical being holding sway over their rather volatile emotions. The string of disapproving letters and later carpeted law suits gave a small idea of just how not happy they were.

Harry meanwhile was quite happy to be leaving New York, if less happy that he had tried to read one of his magic books on the bus and now had both a headache and nausea. Which actually only cemented his dislike of reading and learning in general. It figured the moment he would be high on learning that giants were highly magically vulnerable to transfiguration and wanted to learn more about it bad things happened to him. It also didn't help that he was five hours away from his next layover and had a small child kicking the back of his seat keeping him from sleeping.

It took three hours before its mother drifted off, how she could do this while the child was screaming at the top of his lungs Harry didn't know. It was just bad manners to let your child annoy other people in public places. Harry whipped around standing up and cast a stupefy at the little loud mouthed brat and then sat back down.

Harry got his first standing ovation. Apparently good deeds are rewarded. Of course this could be because the rest of the passengers thought he just called the child "stupid", and that that was what silenced the child and not that he used supernatural powers against a defenseless eight year old child, that he had no idea if it would affect the people of this world the same way as it did those of his own. For that matter three hours of listening to the spoiled brat there was little to any chance that he would have cared or they would had they known.

Harry's next bus was if possible worse, somehow the loo on the bus had broken half-way and the stench of human fecal matter was filling the bus because someone had the bright idea of trying those random road side dinner breakfast burritos and now everyone else had to suffer for them. A bubble head charm was quickly applied to himself which while it didn't filter what smell was already trapped in it wouldn't allow other such smell to enter.

Had Harry mentioned that he loved magic? Because he did, he loved magic, and he loved magic even more when it wasn't regulated by a corrupt ministry of magic. Of course then someone just had to come and not just rain but piss on his parade. No not someone, in fact it was at that moment Harry would meet his arch-nemesis. In fact years after this meeting Harry would look back on this and reconsider many of his life choices because he didn't want to give this jackass the privilege of being re-thought or remembered by himself.

That's right Harry met the Mist. Or rather as Harry didn't know what Mist was, and knew mist itself as condensed suspended water vapor… A more appropriate name would be: the ambient magic of this world, and since that is kind of a long name, he nickname it Jackass for short.

He became aware of the sudden change in moods of those around him. All of them probably jealous of his magical skill and forethought. So when jealousy wasn't paramount of the emotions he was feeling he noticed it. It was the same magical manipulation that had affected the crowd earlier when he was fighting the giant!

It couldn't be the giant though he had put enough magic in that "acceptable" grade, pin cushion for a week! There was no way it could change back this quickly especially considering his magical susceptibility! So it must be something else, something that was screwing with him! Whoever or more accurately whatever it was because none of the people he was seeing now even remotely resembled anyone familiar to him, nor for that matter what a typical wizard might look like attempting to blend in with muggles. So it had to be something else. Had he possibly been tagged with a bad luck charm or something?

Harry didn't know of any object or spell that could create bad luck, although there might be a potion for that, but with magic anything was possible. Except you know, clearing his good name when everyone inevitably freaked out over something he was in some small or large way linked to. It was probably Snape's fault. Possibly a very round about in the I-really-hate-you-but-love-your-dead-mother-and-swore-a-life-vow-partly-to-stay-out-of-prison-to-make-sure-you-didn't-die-before-me, kind of way of "protecting" him. You know the one of all sadly misunderstood but really a good guy deep, deep, deep, very deep down?

Well someone had their wires crossed somewhere and Harry was only marginally sure that his weren't that badly messed up. So back to this magic that was trying to effect the passengers around him into thinking he was a bad guy. Which by the way was totally a dick move to pull on the new guy to this world. You'd think they would try to get to know him first or something. Or you know try to make sure that he was indeed a bad guy and not going to use this opportunity to make the other guy look bad by ending the magic.

Harry cast a quick finite that cancelled the magic that he was sure was affecting his fellow travelers. Of course if nothing was and it was simply his golden personality that was changing the minds of his fellows nothing would happen. A shattering sound like breaking glass however deterred that notion quick and in a hurry. For one because Harry had never heard magic make an actual sound when ending it before unless it was already making noise before it died. What the hell?

Not that that stopped it however as just as quickly as the magic stopped and the other passengers on the bus returned to their generally dismissive attitudes it started again. It was nothing he could feel or see, it was more witnessing the people being effected by the spell. Watching as their eyes sort of clouded over for a second before their posture abruptly changed. Harry cast a finite again.

Another shattering sound and the current victims resettled into their chairs and again returned to their dismissive attitudes. Harry passed the next half an hour in the same manner before his current opponent finally gave up. At least in that endeavor. He was bothered by an annoying buzzing sound for the next two minutes before he cast a silencing charm on the air around him. When this seemed to fail the two magical presences spent the rest of the bus ride thwarting each other. Much to the frustration of the other passengers on the bus. This more because it was night and every time Harry cast a spell it lit up the bus.

By the end of the ride Harry had been told no less than thirty seven times to knock it off and let decent people sleep. The other passengers all hated him, all without the help of the other magical presence. He was not kicked off the bus nor was he "politely" told never to come back, because he cast thirty eight obliviate charms. Which was probably why he got so many people repeatedly telling him to stop it with the light show, including the bus-driver twelve times before everyone just ignored him and blamed (rightfully) their suddenly ever present headaches on the inconsiderate asshole strobe-lighting the bus randomly.

Harry had to at the end of the bus ride and in a new town admit that the jackass had gotten what he had wanted and every buddy hated him for no reason. Well no reason that they should remember anyway. Of course this was just guessing he didn't exactly know how well to control the memory charm, or for that matter how it worked or how much memory it took from the individual in question. Of course since the people he used it on didn't end up as drooling puddles of Lockhart maybe it had to do with how much magic he put into it and not the intent behind his command. Which had been something along the lines of "stop bothering me". However since this hadn't stopped the rather persistent driver he either needed a more specific intent or more magic… something to look into at any rate.

Eventually the magical presence had attached itself to the guy and that funny cloudy over eye thing happened and Harry just to be an ass to the Jackass that had been bothering him for the last many hours cast a cheering charm at the driver. That's right Harry a billion because he was just awesome, Jackass zero.

Well somehow and some way Harry had ended up in Killeen, Texas, which was apparently right next to the military post things and was a popular destination for people in New York with two layovers. Harry really needed to find a better travels agent, his non-existent trouble avoidance meter needed some tweaking. How many other people could say that they went to one of the few places in this world with big enough resources to strap him to a cannon and blast his magic ass into outer-space, and you know there was a military post with solders and other weapons nearby too? Harry was that's who.

Well there was an easy fix for this illegal alien, yes there was, he would just keep his head down and nothing bad would happen until after he left. Yes that would be exactly what happened. Just for added effect Harry looked down at his Mickey Mouse sneakers and began walking.

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It was all over the news, some kid had derailed traffic. Which was rather odd because he hadn't actually been in traffic rather he had pointed a stick at the ground and conjured a grizzly bear before climbing on the bear's back of all things in full view of the news camera reporting on some rather historic temperature highs and lows for the year. Also caught on camera was the load bearing semi that also saw the boy climb onto the bear's back and its subsequent trip to a ditch which threw its entire load of tractor trailers all over the main town's highway. While in most circumstances the boy would have been charged with something for the mess, the books discovered in the unconscious truck drivers cabin showed that he hadn't actually slept in the last twenty-one hours and had tried and successfully until now kept an "official record" of his stops and not the very clearly illegal one with list of bribery's to cargo inspectors.

The news of the hereto unknown magician in Texas spread like wildfire though. This world had none of the ancient muggle ignorance spreader spell and wards of Harry's old world. That's right, this world's people were as ignorant and stupid as it wanted to be, with gods and their attaches filtering the bare minimum with the Mist. So when the people saw this incredible feat of what could only be illusion the pursuit began.

The Killeen Daily Herald was the first one to track him down at an inexpensive motel. They were quick to sell the story to the KCEN News station who quickly hounded the poor boy for a quote on his actions. Entirely clothed in Disney memorabilia he made a funny picture standing there with his thick glasses and English accent. Karen Borta came all the way from Waco, Texas just to interview him hoping to bolster her career.

"This is Karen Borta with the KCEN News, here with Harry Potter the boy who was seen with a bear in Killeen Texas. Can you tell me how you came upon the bear Mr. Potter?"

"Course I can, I walked up behind him and climbed on his back." He smiled into the camera.

"That's interesting, can you tell me why?"

"Well, I was cold and didn't want to transfigure a jacket from a rock 'cause it always feels like a rock and forgot my warming charm so a bear was my next best idea." The boy on screen scratched his head. The neatly pressed woman took a small step back from him an uncertain look on her face.

"Transfigure?" The way she said that one word left no question to the audience she thought she had found a crazy person.

"Yes, it's where you turn one object into something else."

"I see." She said in a way that said more that she knew for sure she found a crazy person.

"Not really, muggles don't handle magic well, and that's why you burned a bunch of other muggles and Agatha-the-odd thirty-some-times a long time ago. At least I think so…"

"Muggles?" Karen muttered to her camera man and crew, one of which members was signaling to her to wrap this up. Crazy wasn't popular for the ratings.

"You guys have more problems though, 'cause when I do this..." He demonstrated pulling out a stick and tapped it to his shirt changing its colors from white to red to blue.

"You start to get cloudy eyes, so I just-" a light enveloped the crew, "cast a quick cheering charm and your back to normal, I guess…"

A much more responsive news crew leveled the boy with awe and sudden understanding.

"So you're a magician. Are you touring right now? Who is your manager, he must be particularly clever to have planted you in front of the morning news like that." Karen moved closer now, engaging back into the conversation now that his eccentric behavior was so easily explained away and high on a cheering charm.

"I'm not a magician! I'm a wizard. It's much more respectable." Karen took this in stride however it wasn't the first marketing ploy to try to drum up business she'd seen in her short career after all. Harry would then speak the fateful words that would forever change his life in this world.

"Just touring, on vacation, what happened this morning was an accident didn't know the camera was there did I. So no manager for me."

"Are you planning on making a show of your talent?"

"Dun-no, don't you need a card thingy for that, I'm just on vacation here, don't think I could make anything of it anyway muggles don't know much about magic." The clip abruptly cut off and Karen was now standing outside of the motel where she had been speaking to Harry Potter.

"You heard it here first on KCEN News back to you…"

It was news that traveled like wild-fire and within a week no less than seven prospective managers managed to track Harry down after he left the motel and wandered around. However Harry had no real interest in doing magic shows, mostly because though they were offering to get him this "work permit" thing and attaching paperwork, he had no identification, no passport nothing and telling them was out of the question.

That was of course until one Edward (Eddie) Fitzgerald retired New York police officer and wannabe famous manager found him. Now Eddie was a rather special person, in so much that he was a rather well connected individual, not a dirty ex-cop per-say, a very good friend to people he knew were dirty. Some of which owed him some rather substantial favors. It didn't take a genius to follow the "wizard" he left a trail a mile wide. The problem with this particular trail was that its beginning started in rather questionable circumstances.

This Harry Potter had no records entering the country that he could find. He had no passport on record under that name that was recently arrived in country. He could be tracked to Florida, New York and now Texas. He disappears in Florida and appears in New York matching the descriptions given by two incidents in a span of a few hours before high tailing it out of there on the first available bus. It was pretty easy to figure out that Harry Potter was either on the run or was an illegal, probably both.

Now Eddie had no particular talents of his own, his looks were nothing to write home about and he was twice divorced and looking to rise up from his circumstances. Attaching himself to a soon to be famous person or talent was his only way up as he saw it. So how better to do this than attach himself to someone who couldn't dump him for better things because he knew the secrets he was trying to hide and who needed his contacts?

Eddie met Harry Potter on March 31, 1988 and conned himself into being Harry's manager. By June he had from his contacts legal papers for Harry to work and tour. Harry's first show was on June 20, 1988 in Dallas, Texas. Eddie had spent a pretty penny arranging everything. He was also quite sure that his new client wasn't all there and not in the "I'm so slow I'm super easy to be taken advantage of" kind of way more the "I really think it is magic, imperio, don't you remember giving me your watch?" kind of way.

Eddie didn't know was this "imperio" word was but he was often doing things that Harry asked after he said it. He suspected the kid had hypnotized him in his sleep to act on that trigger word, but he wasn't sure and he really didn't want to see a head doctor to try and get it fixed. Maybe later.

Harry was having a rather fun time Eddie was just a fountain of useful information and hey he helped him avoid getting arrested. Of course the show coming up had him in turns of excitement and disgruntlement. He was a wizard he didn't pander to the likes of muggles. Of course that also sounded creepily like a certain dark lord so of course he was happy to perform for the clueless muggles.

Harry didn't really know what to expect, despite liberal use of one the "Forbidden Three" because come on the only ones who didn't use those had been Harry and his friends and look how that turned out, Harry was stranded in a completely different freaking world. Eddie hadn't known either, this was his first foray into show business so they were both kind of fumbling in the dark here.

Harry was in an old theater at the moment waiting for the curtain to rise, he had delved into some of the magic books for this. Okay so he had only really looked at one of them and the others had been passed off to the side for study later because they had been in Old English or something and it was taking too long.

When the curtain rose you could say that Harry had certain expectations of his audience, one of which that it would pack the room was only the first of his many delusions to die that night. A full thirty and a half people were in the room and many gaps in the seats between them. Harry only counted the annoying child in front complaining about having to be there as half a person because he wasn't full grown anyway.

Harry tried to impress them with his levitation charm, and a smart ass in the back of the stage booed out loud and claimed he could see wires. Which was impossible come on it was magic! There were no wires or batteries included. So when that failed Harry moved onto transfiguration turning the various chairs and tables set up as a pyramid around him into various birds and animals. The smart ass sounded again that he saw the floor move and curtains fluttered and snidely added that it was the most obvious trick in the book.

Harry gave it a valiant effort, but the smart ass in back was ruining his show, muggles looked annoyed to be there. Where was the awe, the fascination, the screaming terror, or fear?! This was magic! Real magic! These people a hundred years ago were killing people they even suspected of having been touched by magic and he couldn't even get a smile from their descendants years later come on!

Harry finally decided to screw it. They weren't enjoying this, he wasn't enjoying this, no need to make this any more painful than it had to be. But first.

Harry apperated behind the smartass he found solely responsible for ruining his first and now probably only venture into magical show business. The shrieks of the audience were ignored as the bang registered and he disappeared from stage and then reappeared with a pop on the seat behind the asshole responsible for ruining his show. The crowd whipped around to stare at him.

"You know it's kind of rude to interrupt a wizard when it might have taken quite a bit of courage just to appear on stage to show magic to you." The man's slack jawed response was not nearly enough to mollify Harry.

"You wanna act like an ass, be one." With a fancy twist of his wand the smartass gaping at him was replaced by a donkey, a tall and pointy white hat on its head that read smart. It brayed at him in fear. The applause from his surrounding audience drowned him out though. Harry looked around bewildered.

The hell? He performs some advanced and complicated magic on stage and not even a flicker of a smile. But when he finally cracks and turns a fellow audience member into the ass they were a standing ovation. Muggles were weird.

"So who wants to be an animal of my choosing next?" Harry asked as he apperated back on stage. The little half a person in the front row raised his hand standing on his chair to look taller and screamed at him.

"I want to be a dragon, I want to be a dragon, me, me, me, me." Considering the child's parents were doing nothing to curb his enthusiasm and in fact encouraging his disruptive behavior Harry couldn't entirely be blamed for his next action.

A bright light shout out from his wand to the child and the next thing anyone knew a squealing sound could be heard through the screams of the boy's parents who had jumped away from the spot their son presumably had been in. Some people left their chairs to see what had happened, no dragon had appeared so what…?

A tiny pot-bellied pig started running around the front seats back and forth a blond wig on its head. Its mother desperately calling out after it, chasing the pig back and forth, while the presumed father just gaped at the scene. Chaos, applause, and shrieks, and pleas for the little potbellied pig, filled the stage when after a quick-

"Thanks for coming." Harry disappeared with another gun sounding shot gun blast.

Harry to be completely honest didn't plan to return the next night for the next show the first one was so poor. But Eddie was a wonderful guilt inducing manipulator and before Harry knew it he was back on stage waiting for the curtain to rise. He wondered how quickly he could leave this one, they had technically booked the shows for an hour each but Harry had left so early last night he wondered if he could do it again without having to refund any money.

Of course all of this was put to the side when the curtain raised and a full if expectant audience stared back at him. Huh, imagine that.

His now salivating manager peaking behind the current however was less shocked and more with the cartoon money gram eyes. He rushed away as Harry opened, to the phone more specifically to start booking their next venues in the next couple of towns over.

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Zeus had finally, months later managed to mostly quiet the rabble. To start with he didn't call them rabble when talking to them. Who would have guessed that addressing them like the peons they were offended them? Live and learn.

"Ok, now, we are gathered here today, because there have been some pressing concerns that I don't value everyone equally and as the God of not just the Skies but Justice that was the wrong thing to do."

Zeus squinted at his notes from his podium in front of the bunch of crybabies as he read on. He really needed to find a better Public Relations Manager this fluffy crap was going to kill him.

"I realize that I have made mistakes these few thousands of years and that I have been blind to many of the issues that have plagued you all."

He waved his hand dramatically and suddenly a beautifully decorated large pillar rose and a top it was a box with a slit in the top. The front of the box was a single word printed in buzzing and flashing neon lights just because it made it nearly impossible for dyslexic people to read. Grievances.

"Because of your concerns that I am not taking this seriously and as agreed so that you can all go back to your jobs and let peace again reign in Narnia er-Olympus… I have created this grievances box. This box can only be opened by myself once full, and I vow that any letter I pull from this box, I shall respond to personally to ensure that all receive the fair treatment they are due as an immortal god and goddess."

Zeus stepped down then to avoid questions. He wasn't happy about this, but as he was the one that got to create the modified suggestions box he got to make the rules and for that matter the pillar and box. Unknown to anyone in the audience was that his master bolt normally within easy reach of his throne was now securely lodged at the base of the bottomless box. Which meant any letter, note, godly missive or otherwise would be destroyed as soon as they came in contact with the godly force of the ultimate firepower so long as it was there.

This meant the box would never fill to full, could never be opened, and he never had to respond to the horde of "grieved" gods, goddess, spirits, and primordial. Which meant he had secured peace in his halls once more and there was nothing they could do about it.

Now all he had to do was find the little upstart that had created this mess and shove that little ass hole into the box with those notes and vengeance would be his. Now where to start looking?

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I.M. Part II, so I suck trying to edit these, anyone want to volunteer to be my beta? Feel free to critique my grammar, spelling, punctuation and improper use of cannon materials. It's how I improve myself.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, their subsequent plots, characters, and or fan bases.

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Chapter 3

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Zeus- "Why did I get married?"

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It had been nearly three months since Harry had given his first show. What was supposed to have been more of a side project (to excuse his rather blatant show of magic in one of the, as he understood it, least understanding states in the Americas) had somehow become his life since then.

Eddie had him booked solid and in an unexpected bit of genius from the man figured out that notoriety breeded success. So every minute Harry wasn't on stage he was out on the streets broadcasting magic, or just oddity in general, as much as he could. Every now and again he would come across monsters and the mist which was a constant annoyance, but had Harry often making headlines in any town that he was in with their combined antics.

So it was with little surprise that Harry found himself that October in the Seattle Space Needle the day of his show chatting with a roomful of potential audience members. It also just happened to be the day that his steak was under-cooked and he took it personally back to the cooks.

Unknown to either Harry or the cooks in this particular kitchen was that miles and miles away one Zeus had chosen this day for revenge and was aiming a lightning bolt driven vengeance getter at the little shit responsible for his current headache. Harry at that same moment however, had just cast the infamous, but not in this world, Weasley brothers flatulence banger, Dragon Fire at the pompous head chef. Guaranteed to give an added boost to your motorized magic vehicle or when used on a human target the "breath of the Dragon" for the next twelve hours or your money back! Harry had learned this particular spell when the Weasley brothers were show casing their product line and enchanting muggle air-fresheners with it.

He targeted the stuffy head cook who accused him of being wrong in what he ordered and what he received. Harry was quick to leave the scene shortly after casting, and Eddie was not happy to be left with the check in his place. Eddie was also not happy about the sudden fire that broke out in the kitchen either, as panic set in and everyone rushed to leave the suddenly on fire Space Needle.

Zeus had thrown his lightning bolt commanding it to strike the shit responsible for all his current troubles and as the imbued lightning raced to deliver godly justice faster than the speed of light it raced from New York all the way to Seattle. The moment Harry apperated out of the kitchen and to his dressing room at the Paramount Theater, two things happened at once. The Dragon Fire was unleashed in a silent but deadly explosion of noxious fumes as a highly embarrassed chef flushed red and then just as suddenly the lightning bolt arrived.

The bolt of godly justice had no time to self-correct its journey for the moment it came into contact with the rather explosive gasses the chemical reaction quite literally stole its thunder in an instant. A mini mushroom cloud of smoke and fire exploded upward and out. Fire plumed up from the behind of the horrified head chef, as the Dragon Fire shot off one more time. A stream of flames shot from his behind again in streams before what was left of the lightning bolt turned fire show collected around a new pocket of gas released from the chef's behind and lightning shot painfully from his butt and struck the wall beside the smoking stove.

All was silent for a heartbeat, two-. The screaming was instantaneous from staff, cooks and customers alike as everyone began running away. The poor pompous and now horrified head-chef by far the fastest to run away despite his relatively short stature. He moved as though jet propelled and had a wide gap between he and any of the other panicked people. In fact what could have been a scene of utmost pandemonium was actually rather tame as people slowed down to give the man room when a prevalent stench spread and followed him as he went. People slowed as eyes began to water and noses simultaneously wrinkled, nausea blooming with each gagging in-hail. The poor people in the elevator with him actually passed out by the time it reached the bottom and had to be helped out so that the elevator could rescue other people. Most of the people remaining on the dining room floor took one whiff of the lingering smell and opted to take the stairs.

It was a story that made the news. In fact glossed over was how Harry Potter had been there and was probably responsible. All anyone could concentrate on at all was the horrific smelling chef and on a side note almost absently remembered in light of the sensory assault was a small fire in the kitchen.

Hera in fact heard about it and took this rather serious considering how glossed over the damages were and was quick to spot a rather innocent expression on her husband's face. One that she learned to stop trusting the moment he freed her and the rest of their siblings from their father's stomach.

"What did you do?" She asked him her expression pinched in its severity. He met her eyes directly, the picture of a trustworthy individual, a curious look etched on his face.

"What did I do when?"

"Why did you set a kitchen on fire in Seattle?" Outrage now, the acting a little more overdone than usual, which meant that he had planned this but the outcome was different than he had intended.

"I didn't set fire to a kitchen in Seattle." Hera didn't have to be a god of deception to know he was hiding something from her.

"Then tell me how a lightning bolt manages to strike a tower in broad day light with no cloud cover, and without bursting through the roof of the establishment, to strike at a wall and stove before setting fire to everything."

A petulant look on crossed his face as his arms fold over his chest, the first honest expression she'd seen so far.

"That wasn't my fault it was that little dip-shit that did this to me!" If Hera's brow arched any higher it would blend in with her hair.

"Right because some other immortal being out there has command of lightning, and has a rather well documented history of randomly tossing lightning bolts around for no good reason, and would not be found out of character to smite a kitchen in Seattle because it was too high in the sky or something."

"That's not fair!... it could have been Jupiter."

"Who is also you." An impatient foot tapping began, one that Zeus knew after thousands of years of marriage to dread.

"I- that's not-it was, it's all that asshole's fault!"

"And what asshole would that be?" The sudden child that the king of gods turned into would surely shock any demi-god or mortal. Hera however used to this kind of behavior when her brother didn't get his way, merely crossed her arms.

"The one that is responsible for all this! For turning my underlings against me, and the chaos, and-and everything that's gone wrong!" A foot stomp shook the heavens from the now diminutive ruler of the skies.

"I'm sure," Hera began sarcasm evident, "you the innocent victim that is not even a teeny tiny bit responsible for anything. It couldn't at all be possible that this had been building for centuries or millennia with the way you have been acting. Or that anyone could have gotten the idea for something like this from the recent human movements and pushing for equal and civil rights. No. Not at all. It has to be someone else's fault. Which is why you sent a bolt of lightning to fry a kitchen stove in Seattle."

Her tone of voice could rival the driest of deserts.

"My, what a wicked inanimate stove, with no feelings, or thoughts of its own. It's a good thing you set it on fire. Who knows, it could have under-cooked a steak or something."

The pouting king of gods turned to look at her tears in sky blue eyes threatening to fall. Hera was completely unmoved.

"You are cleaning up that mess. Not someone you choose to designate that mess to, but you. I expect it done tomorrow. This is the end of this non-sense. It is time to man up and take responsibility. I'm tired of hearing about it!"

Zeus opened his mouth to respond but Hera wasn't listening in fact she walked out on him. A door appearing behind her retreating back just to slam in his face when he made to follow her. Gods damn it!

Damn that bastard, turning his own wife against him! The nerve! He was going to-!

Zeus suddenly noticed a knock on the door that had appeared just to slam in his face. He was quick to re-assume the appearance of a mature man rather than a childish being to open the door. A bag was lit on fire and was quickly setting fire, absurdly so, to the clouds and marble around it. In a panic the elder millennia old god quickly stomped out the flames. Words had burned themselves into the marble of the doused flame bag.

_The next one will have shit in it. You have until tomorrow._

A roar of thunder rocked the heavens.

"Gods damn it!"

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Harry miles away looked up from his show set up a copy of _Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed, _as thunder sounded across the skies. Which was very odd because there were no clouds in the sky. He shrugged and went back to his book.

While scalping his audience probably wouldn't really help him, giving the lot of them pepper breath might shut some of them up. It seemed the most popular thing to do for his crowd of followers was to annoy the hell out of him to get themselves transformed into something odd and unusual. Because this seemed to be their ultimate goal it was now Harry's duty to thwart them. How better to do that than to branch out?

There were three other books around him open to odd pages that he randomly flipped through searching for bizarre ideas and inspiration after all it wouldn't do to give the muggles the wrong sort of impression about wizards.

There was four or five other books and one scroll off to the side that dealt with magic and unlocking a witch's inner potential. Which probably had something to do with wandless magic. Which given the lack of wand shops around here and his own lack of understanding on how to make them was a pretty good idea in Harry's own book.

As it was Harry already had skimming the bare minimum set at his maximum speed, you know the one- slow. If only to make these magic shows a bit more interesting to himself. It didn't help his reputation at all that three muggle parents were accusing him of being a child hater. He wasn't a child hater, granted he didn't know exactly what he felt about children, but he certainly didn't hate them. He just didn't like the loud ones, the annoying ones, the whiners, the crybabies, the bullies, the spoiled ones, or the oafish looking ones.

That was a very specific list and could he help it that parents brought their children to his shows with those children and he subsequently cast highly temperamental magic on them? Probably. Was that good enough reason to stop? Yes. Was he going to? Unlikely.

While this outlook had actually decreased the numbers of small children taken to his shows since that rather unashamed public reveal it had actually increased his number of parents with teenagers that seemed to want to embarrass the hell out of them. Harry was anything if not obliging. Which unfortunately only seemed to cement his rather ambiguous reputation and had him expanding his knowledge of muggle safe-ish magic to use around them. Which brought him to his least favorite activity of all. Reading about new magic. Don't get him wrong he love the practical application and experiments it was just trying to read about it and wonder why the hell Hermione had grabbed do many books in Old-Welsh, and mixed English, and even some Latin.

While this let him know that he had the best and most accurate and knowledgeable resources, (because come on anything that old that Hermione had grabbed while they were on the run just had to be full of world ending eldritch magics), it was also a pain to try and accurately translate, so mostly he just used a few random language dictionaries he'd picked up at a local dime store found key words and guessed from there. Nothing could possibly go wrong with that.

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I.M. A shorter chapter to wet the appetite of the masses who don't follow me or read my work but will psychically know I have added another chapter. Feel free to let me know what you think. I still need a beta. Here is a sneak peek at the next chapter.

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Chapter 4

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Harry Potter the 40 year old virgin-

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Or Harry Potter, "What do you mean a book lied to me?!"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own neither of either Harry Potter or Percy Jackson or their attaching series, plots, characters, fan bases, or merchandise.

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Chapter 4

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Harry Potter the 40 year old virgin-

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Or Harry Potter, "what do you mean a book lied to me?!"

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Harry rather felt he was finally getting a handle on this show-business thing. Apparently just standing on stage shooting off spells with no real otherwise distinguishable dialog isn't an acceptable practice. You'd think people would just come to appreciate that it was real magic turning them into baby orangutans, but no they wanted it all spelled out for them. They wanted the whole show, spells, and words, and humor, and a story behind everything.

They didn't even understand half of what he was saying. Which was why he wasn't afraid to tell them about Hogwarts and re-enact his childhood adventures. Adventures full of annoying magical creatures, school mates, psychotic teachers, and mortal enemies so great he originally crippled them as an infant.

After a while it just became a story to tell at each show, transfiguring whatever he needed to interact with at the time. Of course then he got his hand on "Easy Spells to Fool Muggles" the third edition by Luca Caruso.

Turns out wizards hadn't really thought much of muggles for a reason. With just a few swipes of their wand they could create a soul sucking illusion of fantasy powerful enough that even the most suspicious or intelligent of the muggles could be convinced it was the truth. Many of these spells were used by aurors when reacting to accidental magic because wizards understood little to anything about muggle culture. To make up for this they would cast the rather simple and low cost illusion spells that would then use the muggle in questions' mind to create whatever illusion the muggle would believe based on the outlying information the wizard gave.

For example once the illusion was cast the wizard need only say then: "this was a terrible accident" or "you must have been seeing things". Something along those lines and the muggles minds would conjure up the most believable scenario and accept it for truth. In a group the illusion would take the most commonly acceptable scenario and play it for truth. A down side to this was that as each muggles mind was different there would be slight variations on what each of them saw. It could be anything from the color of the "uniform" the "officer" was wearing to how many cars they saw parked around them and any combination of the same.

Harry liked this particular illusion spell because it allowed him to create some of his most cherished childhood memories by doing the opposite of the suggested spell usage and making the unbelievable possible. For instance the Hogwarts' ceiling hundreds of floating candles.

You don't think this is hard? Try actually floating hundreds of candles above a vanished ceiling! It's completely wicked! Until you know, you have to then have to memory charm and scourgify the whole screaming audience when they are dripped on by all that hot burning melted wax. Epic fail number one. So Caruso's book was a god send for the poor wizard, thank you very much.

Harry often used this illusion spell and always seemed to end up in an epic combat battle with the same Jackass that had been hounding him for as long as he had been in the colonies. Eddie was only happy because this meant far more money and fame by association for himself. Not that Harry cared at the moment that Eddie was appropriating the lion's share of his profits for himself. This was mostly because Harry had no real concept or understanding of "money" and just how it worked in a world that collected taxes and practically revolved around it.

Harry having grown up first as a poor, abused, and neglected orphan had had no money of his own. Then at the tender age of eleven gained a fortune, in comparison that he had at no time in his growing years. He had never learn about how to manage his finances or for that matter bothered to check on or consult with any knowledgeable or caring higher power about money in general. So long as his expenses were met e.g. the green paper things and metal coin-y bits that he exchanged for other things that was truly all he cared about.

Well that and the simple fact that muggle money wasn't even hard to transfigure or duplicate via magic. So no it wasn't money that concerned him or taxes for that matter, he was happy to leave everything to Eddie in that case. What really bothered him, was the more he was forced to read for his shows. Not that this should be the case because honestly he was rather starved for any magical contact he could get. More it was that thanks to an annoying anonymous critic the more he learned about magic in general that disturbed him.

In fact in one shocking old and decrepit magical tomb he hadn't realized that Hermione had nicked during their trip to the Ministry back in fifth year, (mostly because they hadn't even been on the run yet, and he honestly never would have thought Hermione had started that early) and for that matter wondered why she had never told him. It would have been good knowledge to know. Although this did kind of oddly explain how she knew the door unlocking spell back in first year because it had never been in any of their spell books. Seriously thinking about it now they hadn't even been at school more than a couple months yet when did she have the time or reason to look up how to unlock doors, why would she need to know at that point?

Well it was the quiet smart one's everyone was always told to watch out for, now he knew why. Moving on! The book, _right_ the _book_. The one that claimed that a witch's magic was tied to her virginity, which was why a witch and wizard had to be married before they could have sex. Because the two were bound in sacred ceremony which allowed the trauma of losing one's virginity with the buffer of commitment or something. The book was in old English and there was no real translating that with his current resources but that his dime store dictionary translator thing allowed him to piece together.

So if he was reading this right it was saying that losing your virginity was a traumatizing experience and could stunt your magic (and was possibly responsible for the creation squibs) if you weren't bound to a partner because it was mentally scaring or something. Now normally Harry would question this, rather he would ask Hermione what she was doing with it in the first place and just how accurate it was. Being that this world was very different from his own and that he was without a Hermione to ask these questions to… Well his only other option was to believe absolutely as he did that Hermione wouldn't just grab a bit of rubbish that was lying around and take all this as the word of Merlin himself.

This oddly explained why so many witches and wizards married directly after their final year at Hogwarts or shortly before they left, despite the startlingly graphic statistics that predicted divorce for those same age groups later in life. Which only cemented the reality of just what he was looking forward too. Abstinence or marriage.

Was he going to be the virgin gross forty year old that parents told their children to stay away from and every college sorority made a bet of? Or was he going to marry the girl of his deviant dreams and have some wicked sinful nights with? Tough choices?

The very next night Harry got down on one knee before his audience as his show ended and proposed to the four females in the front row. The very next morning Harry received a fined for "mock proposing" by the officers representing the state of South Carolina. They really didn't believe him when he said he was serious, mostly because he hadn't even known the names of the women he proposed to.

Harry not one to let something like that stall his forward motion took that incident as a lesson and asked the names of the women he proposed and the ones after them. For some reason no one was taking him seriously. Maybe he needed to work on his approach?

With this in mind Harry ran around and (forced Eddie to) rented every movie he could find on marriage and proposals. He got through two of them (mostly) before he decided he knew enough about them to try it again and returned them all back where (Eddie) found them. Of course maybe he should have asked were Eddie had gotten them from and not just assumed that on this new world every marriage proposal followed the same very pornographic scenario he found in the tapes. Harry could have avoided the next lawsuit if he had.

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The next four years passed much the same as his first, he still wasn't married damn it. Why was it that every single woman that he found particularly attractive was either: married, gay, doesn't think he's serious, calls him a magician when they know he's a wizard, will "think about it", thinking of him like a "little gay brother", just want to be "friends", or are an ancient primordial being that needs to find and or work on themselves first?

Harry was starting to get so desperate at this point he was even considering turning to men. Of course the last man he transfigured into a woman for that purpose had also filed a lawsuit against him, one that Eddie still railed at he about to this day. So maybe he just had to like men? How were you supposed to like men? For that matter outside those pornos how were you supposed to like women? Was there a class somewhere, where you learned these things? There probably was and the Dursley's just made sure he couldn't take it...

Of course like a sign from the heavens above irrupted these thoughts as a lovely dark haired woman took this opportunity to cross the street to walk in front of him. Completely ignored by his sudden rose colored glasses was the toddler at her hip that was already scowling at him for no reason what-so-ever.

Harry disregarding pride and any chances at all for suave and dashingly rouge, ran after her and abruptly grabbed her free hand pulling her to a stop. When she turned to look at him the child nearly burning a very nasty scowl into him Harry abruptly introduced himself.

"Good morning madam, you have quite stolen my heart as you have graced me with your very glorious presence. Might I be so unworthy to know your name?"

For added affect and sincerity (because Eddie had finally got him some better movies) Harry dropped to one knee while still clasping her hand in his as his free hand reached up to rest on his chest above his heart. Her mouth dropped open speechless. She was not the only one most of the rather crowded for New York streets at this time of the morning stopped what they were doing to watch this as well.

The now flustered woman and scowling possibly demonic infant just sort of gaped at him for his audacity. However she seemed to realize that he wasn't moving without an answer and everyone was waiting for her response.

"I-I'm Sally Jackson." Harry smoothly ignored her hesitance, if it had been suspicion this would have been harder but that was her real name you just knew these things after four years of this kind of thing. Harry after all this time knew when a woman was trying to throw him off the pursuit.

"Ms. Jackson, I know you probably hear this all the time, but will you marry me?" She was too out of sorts to lie to him when she sort of exhaled.

"I'm-I'm already married." Not deterred in the slightest, Harry continued.

"Is it serious?"

"I…-what?"

"That doesn't sound very serious, I know a guy in Las Vegas that can have your marriage annulled and marry us this very day." To Harry's dread she started smiling in the middle of his very factual, very serious proposal. If he had bothered to look at the witnesses around him he would have seen many of them snorting or laughing as well. Many definitely smiling as they finally went back to whatever had them up this early and out of the house.

Harry knew from the mirth now shining from her eyes and that smile from many previous and different women just how bad that smile was. She even had the audacity to laugh at him. Good Lord! Everyone was a critic and no one believed him anymore! This had to be a hell world.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, I just- oh I needed that." She really had a pretty smile and if Harry wasn't mourning his lack of knot tying and what was supposed to come after that, he might have appreciated the way it lightened her features so much more.

"Is that a no?" He asked just to make sure.

"I-" It was at that very moment her demon child reached out for him swinging himself in her arms. Harry barely brought his arms up to catch him expecting the child to fall. Of course he then regret not letting the little bastard fall, when as soon as his hands touched the child, the little monster spewed all over him. The brat somehow managed to get his suddenly projectile vomit all over from Harry's face, to his shirt, to his trousers, all without changing position.

Sally's horrified cry was drowned out by Harry's rather loud internal screaming of horror.

"I'm so sorry. Percy are you ok?" She grabbed the little demon back to her chest checking him over frantically while Harry stood with a sort of wooden preciseness, face frozen in cringe: I've just been puked on, position. His puke covered glasses hiding his clenched eyes as if he expected to suddenly wake up and realize this was all a dream. It wasn't and reality was a rather harsh smack in the face when the stench of sour milk and indefinable baby vomit smell permeated his nostrils.

A quick wave of his suddenly in hand wand vanishes the mess, to Sally's wide-eyed surprise as she takes a step backward, sudden realization in her eyes. She pulls her son closer to her chest, covering him with her arms as though afraid Harry was going to snatch or attack him or possibly turn him into something undefinable but still equally horrible. He didn't, she hadn't refused him after all, or for that matter said she had to "think about it first". He put this rather firmly in the "maybe" pile as far as proposals went, he would have to ask her again when she was feeling more apologetic.

"What a…" Harry paused to think of a word that was far less damaging than 'demonic', "_charming_ child you have there."

"Yes-I-we have to go." With those words she speedily moved away from him.

Was his reputation really that bad? He'd never cursed a toddler before, or at least not one as young as her little spawn of Satan. Not that anyone brought that young of children to his shows anymore. Why was that always coming back to haunt him?

A scream abruptly cut off his well-deserved emo moment as his head raised to seek out the commotion. There on the street in front of him was a woman with snakes for hair making towards his possible future spouse. It was now his obligation to save her! And hopefully win back her good graces, to prove that he was not a child hater everyone must be portraying him as and would therefore make the perfect provider and protector as a husband.

Hey at the very least it was the story of how Harry met Sally.

Oh and hey it was a snake haired lady! Who kind of reminded him of those mythology things from history, you know if one of them and Moldyshorts had a baby that was a girl and had been born with a nose and eyebrows. Which meant that if she took off her sun glasses he was screwed. Unless! Harry abruptly transfigured his own glasses into sunglasses, and abruptly realized what he'd done wrong when he ran into the wall in front of him. He stopped briefly to add his prescription to his glasses before running towards the mass of ugly like the valiant hero he was.

He could speak to snakes, there was no way this could blow up in his face!

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Apollo was a god of many talents and mysteries, being the God of the Sun only a very small piece that made up his whole being. Yes he was that awesome.

He was also very passionate about the theater. Which is why he was the very first gods to become aware of one Harry Potter. Apollo was seventy percent sure the boy wasn't a god, and he didn't smell like a half-blood, but good god! The things he could do with magic were amazing.

Apollo was rather surprised Hecate allowed him to use it. Considering that she had rather harshly stripped magic from the world after some foolish mortal had dared try to separate magic into groups of good and bad. Polluting the gift she had once given so freely. She didn't even allow her own children to use it.

So Harry must have been an off set of herself, a spirit born from magic before the stripping, or something else entirely. Apollo wasn't sure, and he was entertained, so felt no desire to be a whistle blower, yet. That and Apollo didn't really think it would change much of anything, the apparent boy was obviously a few fruit short of a loom.

This didn't stop Apollo from judging the boy based on his performances however. In fact, he had taken to previewing each and every performance Harry gave, because the story he told with each show was fascinating and new. That and the less time he spent in Olympus listening to his father rant about how everyone was against him and it wasn't his fault was dreadfully boring. Nearly anything was better than that.

Attending Harry's shows had become a favorite past time of his. More because the longer it took him to learn the story that Harry weaved the longer the list of his complaints became. One day, a year or so after he began watching, Apollo could hold it in no more and sent (via Hermes) a critique to the wizard anonymously.

It turned out that Harry didn't take critiques well (or at all) if the blistering report Hermes regaled him with later that day said anything. Apollo found this thought so amusing that the next show he sent Harry another one. Personally leaving it in his dressing room and staying hidden to watch when the other found it and read it.

Usually Apollo would be very angry to be cursed out and so blatantly disrespected for his helpful "hints". Enough so that in any other circumstance he would have cursed or killed the individual. However he had never in his life seen someone's face turn that shade of purple before. It was rather hilarious to watch Harry get so upset by his, granted rather insulting, review and commentary. So hilarious in fact that the next show he sent him another and another the show after that. Until it became so fun to try a leave a scathing review and have Harry try and ward him away and out, that the challenge of it had him writing a critique for each and every show that Harry gave.

Apollo got such a kick out of doing this with no consequences what so ever that when one finally came he was struck rather dumb.

It came from the most surprising source too. That night, just before the dawn, as Apollo was hopping into his chariot and raising the sun enjoying the flaming mane on his mares flashing brightly, it happened. One of his mares turned a very bright green- flames and all, before out of that fiery mane a red letter few out and smacked him in the face.

Shocked Apollo pealed the letter from his face to look at it, dumbly he opened the seal intending to read it. Sure as he was that it was from other godly being. Although he was admittedly unsure of which godly being could possibly effect the fire of his mare, which was now back to its usual coloring, as a godly missive it could only be important. The moment he broke the seal however the letter had ideas of its own for it burst from his hands and began, rather shrilly, to curse him out in a familiar voice.

Apollo was too stunned to do anything as the letter spit abuse out at him, before finally blowing a raspberry in face and ripping itself up. If anyone noticed that the sun was a half hour late in rising that morning it was never spoken of, more because there was a very chilling laugh that seemed to echo ghostly the suns path through the sky.

Harry had gained a new fan for life, and his very first real critic. After a while the flashes of green that randomly appeared in the sky became so common place that people claimed it was merely the aurora borealis making a more noticeable appearance. Some things were better left unknown as Harry argued against his critic's abuse and his critic responded ever more annoyingly each time.

For instance creating a missive that would flash blind the reader for several seconds randomly while the note was being read and that compelled the holder to read in full at least once. Or the retaliation for that when another howler was sent in response that had a curse attached to it that had Apollo's clothes appear invisible to everyone but Apollo himself for the next three days.

It began a battle between the bored God of the Sun and the annoyed and frustrated wizard of magic and ended with an epic prank battle royal. Only to be interrupted by a very curious God of Thieves who unknowingly become the face of everything that Harry believed annoyed and frustrated him.

Of course maybe it wasn't Hermes brightest idea to steal Harry's wand either…

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I.D. Big thanks to Joe Lawyer for the corrections and or course to my other wonderful reviewers. I still have no beta-reader, so please feel free to be brutal. Teaser:

Chapter 5

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Hermes vs. Harry

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Hermes, "what do you mean I'm a scapegoat?"


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